:: p-dog ::

I itch like *crazy.* I appear to have a full-body wetsuit-related rash, which is driving me bonkers. In addition, the second toe on my left foot has inexplicably swelled and turned red, forcing me to limp around since 5th period. Thus, I've declared it an official Gimp Day and decided to skip my class tonight. I'm living on the edge.

Apologies for the dirth of posts--I had such a good month, and I end it so poorly. It's very easy to not post for a few days because I feel like there's nothing to say, only to quickly reach that point where there's so much to talk about that writing becomes too daunting.

We had a fabulous weekend. For starters, it was three days long (thanks to Cesar Chavez and the city of San Jose). Bryan and I headed down to Monterey on Friday afternoon for a relaxing weekend of diving and loitering on the beach. Pictures viewable here. We stayed at the classy HoJo, dived on Saturday and Sunday morning, ate some fabulous sea food, saw some famous race track Bryan was excited about, and headed back Sunday afternoon so I could begin my requisite 24 hours of weekend loafing. (remember: Monday vacation)

Diving was so-so. As generally efficient people, Bryan and I were perpetually frustrated by our instructor's ability to waste time. He had us all arrive at the beach at 7, only to dick around and not dive until 10:30. The conditions at Monterey were worse than usual, which meant that instead of it merely being 55 degrees in the water, visibility hovered at about 5 feet, and the "surge" pushed us 4 feet back and forth underwater. Still, nothing could diminish the sheer coolness of breathing underwater. The first day we saw some neat things--abundant starfish, beautiful sea flora, some cool crabs, the ocassional fish. A harbor seal even popped up near us at the surface. The second day we dived in an ocean desert. Nothing to be seen except sand and 20-foot ropes of kelp that we got tangled in. We basically did our skills (removing and replacing masks, navigating with a compass, "hovering," out-of-air procedures, etc) and got out. Then it was a simple matter of rinsing and hauling around our 100 pounds of gear.

Last night, I did sporadic work; we cooked salmon; and we watched a movie. To anyone who has not seen it, I highly recommend Monsoon Wedding. Bryan and I rented it as part of our great DVD heist, and we enjoyed it last night just as much as we had in the theater. Not only did it introduce and make you care about 20-odd characters, but it nursed two healthy and substantive subplots, and did it all in 2 languages. Hats off to Monsoon Wedding. Almost good enough to pay for.

Currently, I'm skipping class, contemplating grading papers, and making Bryan apply cortaid to my back. And Trying Not to Scratch. Fucking rash.


Out to Sea (that's me on the left, an assistant instructor William on the right)

:: Leslie H - 5:01 PM - ::

I’m so amused by the fine sense of social status that middle school students possess. I was talking to one of my 7th graders during brunch about the small overlap of “smart” kids and “popular” kids. Brainstorming some examples in the class: Maria, Kimberlin, “Steve?” I asked. “No,” he determined, “having friends in high places doesn’t make you popular.” (He's astute.)

I try to assure them that popularity matters less as high school progresses, but I remember: the end of high school seems a world away when you’re 13. Seventeen is practically dead.

What I really wanted to write about was our scuba certification classes this weekend. But the aforementioned Steve has the nickname “Scuba,” so I got all sidetracked. (...) Bryan and I (and Ali, and Doug, and George, and Jeff) are planning a fabulous spring getaway to Cozumel in the middle of April, thus it was necessary for me to learn how to breathe underwater. We spent Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday skimming the PADI book and diving in a swimming pool with six other beginners. Bryan has been certified and diving periodically for years, but he joined me in class to refresh his skills and keep me company. We gazed thoughtfully at our fellow divers and pieces of hair at the bottom of the pool; we put together and took apart our equipment half a dozen times; and I ingested several pints of water through my nose as we practiced various out-of-air skills at the intimidating depth of 4 feet.

Next step: ocean dives. We will head out to Monterrey Bay next weekend for two ocean dives on Saturday and Sunday. Because the drive out there takes about 1 hour 20, and the dives begin at 7:30 a.m., we plan to spend Friday and Saturday night at some (cheap) hotel in the neighborhood. It’s a place I’ve been meaning to visit as long as I’ve lived here, but it’s been just out of range. I’m looking forward to the dives drawing me down there. I also feel like I should explore popular South Bay destinations while I still live here. Plenty of time to go to the city and Marin county when I live in Berkeley in a couple of years. I’m also trying to recruit some friends to come down on Saturday afternoon and hang out with us—I expect some takers as we have a long weekend. Monday off for Cesar Chavez’s birthday. The perks of teaching in San Jose.

Side note: teaching grammar is making me very aware of my sentence structure. At no other point in my life have I so routinely written a sentence and thought, “ooh—and adverb clause.”

:: Leslie H - 8:08 PM - ::

New stuff up in "Bopping Redux" on gallery. Some fine shots of Bryan climbing, my classroom, and the splendors of Fremont, our hypothetical home for next year.

Yay for Clare's grad school admission and visit! Yay for impending April! Yay for scuba certification this weekend! Yay for only 11 more weeks of this madness!

:: Leslie H - 5:22 PM - ::

Testing sucks. Yesterday and today all the classes administer writing tests. For the 6th and 8th grades it's a moderately big deal--the district evaluates them and uses them to place students in English classses the next year. For 7th grade it's a much bigger deal--a state test they only take 3 times in their school career. So yesterday I tested my 8th grade, today my 7th.

My 1st period class (the juvie class), with whom I've developed a reasonably good relationship, exploded yesterday. Perhaps it was because at least a third of them have not written a singe essay of the 15 or so we've done this year. Faced with an essay test where they had to read the instructions by themselves and figure them out, they went nuts. At several points during the two-hour period, the room contained the 20 students, me, and all three administrators (principal and 2 VPs). And the students were still screaming and asking indignant questions and throwing pencils across the room.

I actually found that rather comforting. If they'll talk like that to the principal, I know it's not just me failing to assert discipline.

And today was fine again. As long as I keep the instruction very teacher-led, they can totally behave.

It's amusing to see all the kids in green today. Of course, when I asked my students what they knew about St. Patrick's Day, it was this: you have to wear green or you get punched. Good times. I loaned out several green markers so kids could draw a clover on their hands. Flimsy but effective armor.

:: Leslie H - 9:46 AM - ::

I've always loved when teachers showed videos. Not because I necessarily enjoyed the videos, but because there was a guaranteed 5 minutes of free time while the teacher wrestled with a recalcitrant VCR. The few times I've shown movies, I've gone to anal lengths to test the equipment before the class. At the moment, though, I'm sitting in my normal Monday night class, enjoying my free moments as our professor fails to make the TV work.

I know I bitch a lot about my credential classes. But with the exception of the enormous class time (M, W 4-10) and the occasional worthless assignment (the bean journal), I have been very impressed with the quality of the classes and my classmates. It's an accelerated program where we knock out the 2-year credential in one year, and the makeup is about 50% TFA, 50% not (TFA points us to this program because it's very well-regarded). We're all in the classroom already, so we have a bunch of personal experiences to talk about already. There's a generous supply of overachievers and people with super undergrad educations. There's a good combination of practical methods courses and theoretical issues courses. And California has pretty rigorous credential requirements, so god knows I feel well-educated. The program/my classmates debunk that stereotype about ignorant education majors (happily), and I don't think I appreciate that enough.

Just wanted to get the positive side out there, to counteract all my usual bitching. :) Of course I have been half tuning out a whole class discussion in order to write this...

Quote of the night from my professor, regarding educational inequality and social mobility in the U.S.: "It's as though you're saying: 'My neighbor beats his dog, his wife, and his kids, but I only beat my dog, so I'm a good guy." (See, I tuned in for the good parts.)

:: Leslie H - 6:40 PM - ::

A good weekend it was. Now, unfortunately over. But I'm much more at peace now with the weekend's ending. I encourage time to fly these days.

On Saturday Bryan and I road-tripped around the Bay to scout out a place to live next year, somewhere roughly between UC Berkeley and Fischer Middle School. Our search centered around Fremont, where the southernmost BART train could pick Bryan up and take him to school. Fremont is truly a suburban wasteland--it seems to consist entirely of new-ish townhouses and apartments, all boasting easy access to roads and trains that take you (where else?) out of Fremont. But it was better than I expected. There's a Zilker-style giant park, and the "city" bumps right up against the hills, which are beautiful and green this time of year. And, of course, it's the most convenient commute for both of us. Tolerable for a year at least.

We also stopped by RAFT, a truly random teacher-store. It's a warehouse for corporate cast-offs, everything from furniture to random foam scraps to huge wheels of Lipton ice-tea labels, all for sale cheap to teachers. It's divided into sections: $1, $5, or $10 per bag you fill. There are neat little displays of projects you can do with the materials, and also workshop rooms where you can make little crafts with other teachers. Bizarre. I'm still trying to come up with a way to use 300 empty shampoo bottles with arabic print in my classroom.



I mentioned my most worthless credential class yet, I believe--the science methods course where I keep a daily bean journal? Well, since the journal had to be collaborative with 2 group members, I decided the only logical course was to make it a blog. So if anyone is interested in the progress of my bean sprout, check out my bean blog. The sad thing is, I think I've killed my beans already.

I also wanted to post a new picture of my classroom. I've really been working on making it a more inviting place, and I was very excited to put in a library the other week. Here's my class library corner. I love it. And I'm very proud of my kids for not messing it up. (Some of you may recognize the chair--yes, it is from Mr. Weldon's class in 8th grade. I thought it was very appropriate that it return to a middle school.)

:: Leslie H - 7:29 PM - ::

Today was fun. (That statement is more remarkable than it sounds as it applies to fewer than 5 school-days since August.) We played review games in most of my classes, and the whole school ended the day half an hour early for two students-vs-teachers sporting events. I played for the teachers' volleyball team. Granted, I had not played volleyball since I myself was 13, but I think I did pretty well (most of my serves went over the net). Can't say the same for the rest of my teacher team. Despite our appallingly bad performance, we still bested the student team by a few points. The Fischer Saints lose at basically every sport they compete in. Much fun was had by all.

:: Leslie H - 4:38 PM - ::

Did I mention that in three months from *this very moment*, I and my teaching brethren will be RELEASED for summer vacation? Woot!

:: Leslie H - 5:04 PM - ::

This may be my favorite thing I've confiscated yet. I would describe Abraham for you, but I think his to do list says it all.



Abraham's To Do List

(And what was he making this list on? What was the paper from? Why, it was a note from another teacher. The back reads, in red pen: "Come back after school to spend your minutes.")

:: Leslie H - 4:43 PM - ::

Tonight was the first night of what promises to be the worst credentialling class ever. A science methods course (i.e. totally irrevelant to what I teach) taught by a middle school science teacher (not an ed professor) in the style of 6 lesson demos a night and lots of busy work assignments (including growing a bean and keeping a daily journal about its progress). And to add insult to injury, there's no wireless in the building!

I set new records for behaving unprofessionally in class. 10 minutes in and I was already grading quizzes. And checking my cell phone messages in the back of the room. Ouch. I wasn't alone, though. Several of us were passing around a paper making a mock pop quiz for our students regarding behavior. Here are some favorite questions. Needless to say, they are all taken from common experiences.

4) When your teacher gives you “the look,” you
a) continue your behavior, unflappable as always.
b) give her the look right back.
c) respond, “Whaaat? You haaaate me!”
d) accuse the teacher of being racist against Mexicans.

6) During reading time, I should be:
a) following along carefully.
b) watching the spider crawl up the back wall.
c) color the underside of my desk with my pencil until it leaves black smears on my knees.
d) stare blankly at the pages I can't read.

8) You walk into the classroom and smell something unpleasant. An appropriate response is:
a) “Teeeacher! It stinks again!”
b) Moan loudly.
c) Hold your nose and pretend to faint.
d) Yell, “Ruby, close your legs!”

9) If the teacher has given verbal directions four times, written them on the board, and modeled appropriate behavior, the correct response would be to:
a) Begin working.
b) Say, “Teacher! Why didn’t you tell us what to do?”
c) Repeat several times until forcibly silenced, “I don’t get you.”
d) Curl your eyelashes in the back row.

10) If I continue to engage in __________ daily, my teacher will soon realize this behavior is acceptable (choose as many as apply):
a) calling things or people "gay."
b) eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells at my neighbor.
c) whistling. Constantly.
d) writing notes about who I’m going to get with and/or whose ass I’m going to kick after school.
e) doing my math homework during language arts.
f) doing my language arts homework during math.
g) finding the last unconfiscated rubber band in class and shooting things at people.
h) trying to get paper airplanes to stick in the ceiling.
i) laughing raucously for no apparent reason.
j) drawing on myself.
k) tearing my unfinished work into tiny little pieces.
l) scattering the pieces around my desk.

:: Leslie H - 9:50 PM - ::

wrote it; didn't post it. here's Tuesdays:

complaint: the room smells
sweat? boys' bathroom? stink bomb? I'm
inured to the stink.

:: Leslie H - 7:28 AM - ::

worked through lunch again
then, sadness! my chocolate snack
melted in the car

At the beginning of the year I loaned pencils and counted on the goodwill of middle schoolers to return them. (laugh track) I ran through two 50-count boxes in a month. Now I require collateral--a watch, some keys, a jacket. Whatever the kid can offer that he won't forget. Today a rosy-cheeked 13-year-old dug through his pockets and, with a sly smile, offered up for trade (wait for it...) a condom.

(I didn't take it. He found some keys.)

:: Leslie H - 10:22 PM - ::

It's almost *hot* here today (apologies to Texans: I mean it's 71 outside and mildly over-warm when I first get in my car). Spring always seems to sneak up on me...

I began a new catch-all album in gallery, for anyone interested in visual documentation of our exploits. There's a nice one of a naked guy at a semi-nudist little cove. (Don't worry--it's tasteful.)

Today's Haiku, an ode to poster-making:

bright ssssst on the page:
the universal joy of
crayola markers

:: Leslie H - 3:55 PM - ::

exquisite weather:
i sit, watch T.V., sneeze, hack,
and grade spelling tests

I'm getting that fatigue you feel after moving too little all day. I've been camped out on the couch, strewing the carpet with pink kleenex. But if I had to be sick, at least I'm getting some work done. In California I don't feel such remorse for missing a perfect day outside--there are 9 more months of them in store.

:: Leslie H - 4:58 PM - ::

Today's Haiku

the one day i'm sick
i do not take a sick day
my classes eat subs

(Sore throat, sneezes, nothing to worry about.)

:: Leslie H - 5:15 PM - ::

Can you believe that we are four years into this decade and we still don't have a name for it? Do you hear anyone seriously using the term "oughties"? I'm just concerned for the sake of VH1, when in 15 years they want to make the "I love the *nameless decade*" special.

Okay, I confess, I'm a little inebriated. I know you understand, fellow bloggers, the mania that seizes you when you decide your intoxicated revelation must be posted for the world. (I know because I've read yours, mrwright and headfake.)

Another tidbit: Bryan recently changed the overt server, so there have been minor hitches in service and some interesting new error messages. I've been basically unaware of the process, but it did net me my greatest error message ever as I tried to post some pictures online at gallery. A security message read: "It is possible that someone is doing something nasty!"

Can't go wrong with that.

And finally for the tipsy post: the great duck escape. Our apartment complex sports an impressive flock of ducks. On Sunday, one poor flustered soul became mysteriously stranded on our patio. Which we figured out after several hours of curiously loud quacking. Fortunately, our duck had not been abandoned by his friends, as ducks seem to operate on the buddy system. Duck's buddy had clearly alerted reinforcements, so several distraught fellows were gathered around our fence. Quacking.

Duck resisted attempts to be gathered into a red towel and gently hefted over the rail, even after peace-offerings of bread. Our plans thwarted, we attempted to herd him/her through the house and out the front door. Hilarity ensued. Unfortunately, my memory card filled up in the planning stages of that adventure, but here's a clip of Bryan dealing with the recalcitrant fowl.

The Great Duck Escape

:: Leslie H - 6:20 PM - ::

Thursday, Thursday, happy, happy Thursday!

Still angry with myself for not keeping a regular journal, I've set a new goal (since I'm always asking my children to set goals, I've decided to practice what I, you know, preach). As daily journal entries have proved too ambitious, I'm scaling back and setting my sites on a daily haiku. I figure I can crank out 17 syllables during my commute.

Here's yesterday's, on the way back from class at 10:

bruised knee, aching back
avoid thoughts of tomorrow...
me and mill-workers

Here's this morning's:

sleeping and waking
students fill my head: carlos,
gustavo, edgar

And, because we always overachieve at the beginning, this afternoon's:

sunny day, suffused
with mysterious goodwill
and hopes for next year

And now, a beer.

:: Leslie H - 4:26 PM - ::

Man, it is impossible for a teacher to have an off-day. Used to be, when I woke up feeling less-than-great, I could find things to do at work or for school that were less demanding. I could be alone, for the most part, if I wanted. Choose activities that fit my mood. Today I wake up tired, and 30 shiny faces are still staring relentlessly at me at 8:30. Usually bitching about how tired they are because they were up till 1 watching Reno 911. (I hate them. Okay, not really.) At least I can have faith that public speaking will never be intimidating again.

I did my civic duty yesterday and voted. Continuing my streak of coming down on the losing side of every election, I cast my ballot for Edwards hours before he dropped out. I'd forgotten that the other candidates were still on the ballot and resisted the urge to vote for one who'd already ditched. Why Edwards? Because he's not Kerry. [And in the fall, it will be Kerry because he's not Bush.] I don't politick on puddledog because so many others do it better, but I just think Kerry's a phony. If I had the time, I'd throw in a link to some pithy site that gave examples, but I have tests to grade and worksheets to write, and I'm in credential classes till 10. Find your own damn websites. I also think that prolonging the Democratic debate keeps the focus on why Bush sucks, and the more often that gets said on T.V., the better.

But, obviously, my voter's bid to keep the debate alive failed. Perhaps it's best--now Kerry can just concentrate on fighting for the middle and losing to Bush.

Yep, I've just been a ray of sunshine all day. :D

:: Leslie H - 5:57 PM - ::